Walking a Tight Rope

  We often say interior design is a game of smoke and mirrors.  We don't necessarily need to share with our clients what goes on behind the scenes, the chaos and mayhem, that inevitably ensures on the road to creating a beautiful, functional environment for them.  Things come in wrong, there are issues with contractors, a myriad of problems can and do occur from time to time.  We fix them! We're fixers.  I always have a plan B.  A good designer is a good listener.  Clients should feel assured "we have got this" and things are moving along seamlessly.  All that matters is the beautiful outcome, not the road to the reveal.  Unless we become friends with our clients, like any professional, we don't necessarily open up about our personal lives.  We have a job to do and we do it, with passion and pride.

Alternatively, as a life coach, everything is about authenticity, transparency and honesty.  You have to live it to give it is a phrase used often.  It makes you an authority of sorts.  If I have worked through something myself, I am in a place to help others going through the same or a similar scenario.  There are lessons in the mess.  Sharing your story may help someone else.  The intention is to be of service and hold space for someone struggling.

 With that in mind ~  I have felt like I have been walking a tight rope over the past many months.  On one hand I have been trying to juggle all the responsibilities of a designer, blogger, coach and now secretary for my husband's new business endeavor with the fact that I don't feel well!  I haven't felt well for more than a year.  I haven't consciously been hiding it but I haven't been talking about it either.  Chronic pain has kept me from some of my normal activities and has made me feel isolated and depressed.  There, I said it and I can't fix it (thus far) or control it.  I have been to as many doctors as I have fingers.  I have been poked and prodded,  I have been made to feel crazy and I have also felt heard but still... no answers.

I tell you this now because "I'm tired."  I'm tired of trying to look like I am keeping it all together when I feel like I am falling apart.  I must remind myself to be kinder, to be gentler with myself.  Not everything is getting done and that it is OK.  Self care is more important than ever when you are dealing with a situation such as health.  Our minds create a lot of judgments around pain and that fuels anxiety and fatigue.  Thoughts can get so big and scary.  So, like with anything, you have to break them down into bite size thoughts or take action in baby steps.  That way the overwhelm is kept at bay.  We can be in pain but we don't have to suffer.  That is a BIG statement and one that is not easily achieved.  To be mindful around any chronic condition is to be aware.  Be aware of your thoughts and  be aware of patterns that surface.  

One of the things I do is, ask myself, "what would my future self say to me looking back on this?" The voice inside my head says, "this too shall pass" and I feel better.  Feeling empowered and educated is much more productive and gratifying than feeling depressed and anxiety ridden.

 I think instead of suffering in silence I'll be more vocal because maybe someone else is going through the same thing. 

FYI ~ it feels scary to put this out there, but I am doing it anyway, then I am going to coach myself on what the scary feeling is all about.  It never ends : )



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