Showing posts with label Design from within. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Design from within. Show all posts
Mindful Design
Many months into this pandemic, we seem to be taking an "it is what it is" attitude. We have to. We have no choice. We have no control. We are buckled up and in survival mode. The chaos around us is so confusing! If you're like me, you may have started out strong when we were told to stay home. I was feeling like I was going to take this time to be productive, learn something new, relish the opportunity to relax. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to rush, no one to see, so why not make the best of it? I was working on my book full speed ahead. That attitude did not last long!
Five months in and a kind of lackadaisical haze had befallen me. My structure had fallen by the wayside, my diet went to shit, and depression set in. Seven months in and I summoned my resiliency muscle memory. Too many challenges, too little control leaves one helpless and hopeless. That's where mindfulness comes in.
What do we have control over when everything around us is falling apart? We have our mind, we have our body, we have our spirit, and we have our living space.
We have the present moment.
The practice of being more aware of the present moment is very powerful! When you’re a witness to your actions, your awareness enables you to make decisions that are better for your wellbeing. That is mindfulness.
The world is an exhausting place right now ~ Let's create more beauty within. This is such a transformative time. We will and are rising to the occasion.
Let's channel our energy into making mindful design choices that will foster a happy, healthy, calm environment even when, especially when, things around us feel chaotic.
1. Find a sense of order in everything. From your meals to your self care ritual to your housekeeping, order helps the mind and body remain calm. You want to stress less! The energy around you should be supporting that desire for inner peace and a sense of sanctuary. It literally has the power to change your brainwaves. Our work/home life lines have been blurred. If you are multi tasking from home, order is essential! Different zones for different activities at the very least. Clean up or finish up one task and put it away before you begin another. A sense of order is a self care ritual.
2. Buddy up with a plant, or now that we can go out again, keep fresh flowers in the house. Having something living in your space enriches your energy and the oxygen in the air.
3. Get out in nature. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. Change your scenery. The smell in the air, the sun on your skin, the scent of the trees are incredibly restorative. The quiet you derive from being in nature keeps you mindful of employing a "big picture" attitude. Feeling present in that moment allows for an attitude of gratitude.
4. Engage your senses with scent. Smell is our most sensitive sense. It triggers memory more than any other sense, so make sure it is a positive, pleasant memory that is evoked. Candles, aromatherapy or essential oils can subtly change your experience in a space and alter your mood. Make sure the scents you use are chemical free!
5. That is a natural segway into really attempting to eliminate the amount of chemicals you bring into your environment or put on or in your body. Chemicals can have crazy toxic effects on each of us. You may not notice much in any one instance, but the cumulative effect of toxins surrounding us is absolutely making us sick. Balance of body = balance of home.
6. Live by the light. There is so much research about the benefits of living in tune with our circadian rhythm. Our biological clock works hand in hand with circadian rhythm to keep our wake/sleep cycle balanced and our immune system healthy. Ergo, when we are in balance.... all things are in balance.
7. Self care is not a luxury! Surround yourself with beauty and things that bring you joy; objects, people, music, anything! Treat yourself like a queen. Take a long bath, indulge in a bit of chocolate, carve out some alone time. It could be anything that lifts your spirits and puts a smile on your face. When you take care of yourself, you can show up as the best version of yourself for others.
8. Change your perspective and your world changes. Whether it be the stories you tell yourself or the objects on your table, a fresh perspective begets fresh energy and with that wisdom abundance springs.
Your living space should enhance your happiness and wellbeing, and by living space I am referring to your body and mind as well as your environment. Everything is connected and everything is energetically linked.
photos; 1. art by Mary Finlayson, bath by mama medicine, side table design by Alessandra Branca
Closet Confidential
Out of Clutter find Simplicity
From Discord find harmony
In the middle if difficulty lies opportunity
~Albert Einstein
Spring cleaning is taking on a new meaning. Many are taking to their closets, drawers, bathrooms and playrooms. With all this isolation and uncertainty, we can find places within our home and within ourselves to find solace.
For many, closets seem to be nothing more than a place for our clothes to hang out in. But, it is so much more. With fear and a sense of chaos palpable in the world right now, taking control of what we have control over helps us organize our thoughts and ease our mind. We can take control of our closets can't we?
When our closet is organized, our mind feels organized. The closet clean out allows for stagnant energy to become unblocked, thereby, opening space up for a more dynamic energy flow. From that comes opportunity and abundance.
I know when I walk into my closet and it is exactly the way I like it; color coordinated light to dark, neat and catagorized by style, it definately creates a sense of contentment and joy. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can provide us with a reassuring sense of serenity
BUT, the closet clean out can take a circuitous turn when we become aware of the thoughts and emotions that are living amongst our things that tell our story. It's not enough to just organize our belongings, we have to dig a little deeper to excavate possible limiting beliefs that nmight be lurking.
When you attempt a closet clean out keep this in mind ~
When you can't let go off something, ask yourself why am I holding on to this? What is the meaning of this shirt, jacket, sweater, etc. Does it represent a time or place that holds some type of memory? Does it cause you to link the article of clothing with another person or place? Clothes can imprint memories on you. Like a song that comes on the radio (radio, who has a radio anymore, but streaming service didn't sound as nostalgic) it can take you right back to a moment in time, clothes have that power too. Sometimes that will derail us when we are trying to purge. Purging a memory is harder than a piece of clothing. You have to question the thoughts you are having.
How does this article of clothing make me feel?
Does this article of clothing represent something that makes me feel good or bad?
How well does it fit?
Is it a true reflection of who I am?
Do I feel like I look my best in it?
Do I love myself in it?
When was the last time I wore it?
Do I attach a person, place or thing to it?
Does it represent my life in the now?
Can I step into this as my most authentic self in the future?
If any of these answers are more negative than positive - purge it.
We all know how to declutter, but sometimes we just don't, for a multitude of reasons. Like we all know how to diet but out psych gets in our way. I am always interested in getting to the root of a behavior. It can show you something about yourself. Maybe an area in your life that you could work on. Any area that is not serving your highest need is "food for thought." Awareness leads to change and if living your best life is the goal, this is an easy way to question what is.
If our closet was, metaphorically , a vessel for our soul, what would we allow in???
Edit ruthlessly
1 thing in, 1 thing out
Keep catagories together
Take emotion out of it.
If a girlfriend was asking you if it should stay or go - what would you say?
Everything should make you feel like the best version of yourself, even in sweats!
It's a makeover for your closet and your spirit. That's a win/win!
Keep Calm and Distance Yo' self
I don't know about you but I vacillate between vowing to stay clam and not let my imagination and all the hysteria get the best of me and feeling tremendous anxiety over this virus that has just about shut down the nation. We've never seen anything like it! It is the fear of the unknown and the lack of information or mixed messages that keeps us in this state of fear. Why are we afraid?
"The answer is a mix of miscalibrated emotion and limited knowledge," argues psychologist David DeSanto in an editorial for The New York Times.
Here's what I know for sure. We have no control over the situation but we have control over ourselves, our reaction and response. Let's manage our anxiety and do what is in our best interest (and in this case, those that we come in close contact with).
Limit the amount of exposure to the constant onslaught of media coverage. Between the stock market and the virus, one can't help but feel hyper threatened.
Obviously we are aware of the need to wash our hands frequently and keep our distance from others!
What else can we do? We can remain calm, stay level headed and find grace in the madness. If you must stay home, do something you've always meant to do but kept putting off. Stop making excuses for not having the time. You now have the gift of time.
I, myself have been putting off going thru my streaming music and making playlists. I am envisioning how good it will feel to accomplish this task and the added plus of listening to all my music feels immediately calming!
Clean, Clear clutter. Having control over your environment really cuts down on feelings of stress. Now more than ever, your home should be a refuge from the "scaries" outside your door.
Make nourishing meals for your family. It is a way to show your love and make family feel loved and cared for at this uncertain time.
Boost your immune system. Our bodies need to be healthy to fight the good fight. Eat right and take your supplements, reduce inflammation and stay hydrated.
Family time is time well spent. If my kids were home, I'd be breaking out the board games. Oh how I miss those game nights! Indulge in a guilty pleasure. Pick up a good book (damn it, I wish my book was published already!!!) , binge watch Netflix. Oooh, the possibilities are endless. Do you see the silver lining in this time out?
Find humor in the absurdity of it all. Laughter is the best medicine when you feel overwhelmed and out of control.
Go be in nature. Take a walk outside, exercise! I am lucky enough to be in Florida right now, so time spent at the beach is really soothing. I get a good dose of vitamin D, listen to the waves lap against the shore and feel my toes in the sand for a full sensory experience that removes me from thoughts of doom and gloom. Go forth and create your experience.
Practice self care. Take soothing baths, experiment with essential oils, take a nap. If you are self quarantined alone; relish this alone time. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Being alone with your thoughts allows you to go inward. It helps reconnect you to yourself. Relish the solitude
Stay present and breathe. Breathe in, then blow out and repeat " I am fine." Breathe in, then blow out and repeat, " I am safe." Breathe in, then blow out and repeat, " I am healthy." Don't catastrophize and stay mindful.
Don't panic and for G-d's sake, stop stockpiling toilet paper! Be prepared but enough with the irrational panic buying!
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL: AN EXCERPT FROM "OM FOR THE HOME" . I wish my book was out!! I can speak to all the wonderful things we can do to ensure our home is helping heal us, especially when outside our door it's a mad, mad world.
There is a proverb that says: “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”
It is not enough to have a well designed home anymore, we must be mindful of the “riches:” within; our thoughts, our behavior, the relationships we participate in, the toxins that we choose to (or not to) allow into our everyday life. The self talk we use to help or harm. None of this is separate. If our outer space mirrors our inner space, then a cluttered house equals a cluttered mind. If our inner space mirrors our outer space, A peaceful mind equals a peaceful home. We must take a psychological deep dive into our subconscious.
Designing a harmonious life, full of rich relationships, balance, and living in authenticity is dependent upon designing your home to support your desires, facilitate healthy relationships, reduce stress, support healthy habits and enable you to manifest the things you want in life built upon the goals you set for yourself and the values you hold dear. The who you envision yourself to be. The who you aspire to be at your CORE.
C connectivity - understanding that everything is interconnected. Your emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, even financial wellbeing are each pillars of wellness, one dependent on the other.
You cannot have a well designed home that supports a healthy lifestyle while your mind is full of negative thoughts or negative energy. You cannot have a healthy home and fill it with toxic chemicals or a healthy body if it’s filled with processed food. It behooves you not to engage in toxic relationships , even if you do dwell in an immaculate house, they are at odds with one another. Inner and outer peace, inner and outer beauty ~ they go hand in hand. One cannot exists without the other.
O Observe , self observation is critical for transformation, which begins with awareness. Having the observational skillset to practice self-observation:noticing what we are thinking, feeling, doing, and imagining allows us to become self-aware. When we are aware of what we are thinking, feeling, doing, and imagining we realize that we have choices and choices are what make us powerful. When you practice self-observation, you will begin to recognize that the part of you doing the observing is your true self. Having that self awareness allows you to see when you are behaving in alignment with your goals and your values and when you are not. You can also recognize when your choices are serving you and when they are not.
R responsibility help us recognize that we only are in control of ourself. We are responsible for our thoughts, our beliefs, our emotions, our home, our health. How we react to the ever changing landscape over our “interior” ensures more enjoyment not just endurance. Taking personal responsibility for choices and actions not only makes you accountable for yourself but allows for relationships with deeper understanding, trust and compassion. Stop the blame game. You are not what happens to you, you are what you make of what happens to you. Being able to see that your decisions have a direct impact on your life’s events is what being able to accept personal responsibility is all about.
E energy is everywhere. Everything is energy. We are more than physical matter, we consist of energy, our homes consist of energy - different states of being emit different energetic frequencies. Energy interacts with everything all the time in ways you can't ever see, but often you can sense with your feelings.Energy is elusive but is something we FEEL. We can empower ourselves to control our personal energy with our thoughts. Our thoughts create a very real and specific vibration (whether we are aware of it or not) and that energy will seek out it's vibrational match. When we are vibrating at our magnificent best, we are attracting others that are vibrating at their magnificent best. Think about what can be accomplished when we are all energetically in tuned at our highest level.
Call it magical thinking; but in these challenging times, among challenging people, along with our challenging thoughts, it is more important than ever to nurture yourself and create a sanctuary that calms you (within and outside of yourself) and centers you every time you walk through that door.
Could you be better; more joyful, more balanced, more connected to your inner wisdom? Can you do better; listen to your body and give it what it needs to succeed? Can you accept the things you cannot change in a healthy way, understanding that everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what that reason is, we have to trust the universe has our back? Could you detach from the stories you tell yourself that you believe to be true ? Could
above is copyrighted material and may not be reproduced without permission.
photo artwork via Sara Shakeel. She's a great follow!
This or That
I'm taking a pole, which title do you like best for my book?
The book delves into how our home can help heal us on a deeper level and lead us to our authentic self. It's about becoming aware of the "messages in the mess" that can become a catalyst for change. With case studies, science backed information, exercises and inquiry we can find inner peace , more fulfilling relationships with ourself and others, then decorate accordingly.
DESIGN FROM WITHIN
or
OM FOR THE HOME
Do you understand what the book might mean, does either title make you curious and want to know more?
Does anything come up for you when you read this; curiosity, need, confusion?
Thank you for your feedback
Help Wanted
I am busy, busy over here being an author. I love saying that!
This is the biggest, scariest thing I have ever tackled to date but that isn't stopping me. I need your help. As I am thinking about the myriad of things that go into writing a book, the #1 goal is to solve a problem for my reader.
If you were reading a book about how your home can heal you on a deeper level, a holistic approach to live your most joy filled, authentic life ~ How can I serve you?
What would you want to learn having to do with how your home is a part of a bigger picture?
The connection between home, mind, body, spirit.
Are you interested in -
manifestation
better relationships
mindfulness
interconnection between chakras, gut health, positive psychology and home
What areas do you struggle with?
not enough; time, money, happiness
victimhood
thoughts that cause suffering
showing up for yourself
I really want to know anything that comes up when you think of these questions! You would be helping me steer my book in a clear direction that hopefully would encourage you towards transformation on your own hero's journey and of course the role your home plays.
Feel free to comment here or drop me an email at carrie@carrieleskowitzinteriors.com
Thank you
The Ebb and Flow
Moving forward, I think I will begin a Mindful Monday message on the 1st Monday of each month. That way you can come to expect some sort of wellness post on a more regular basis. I will give you some tips/tricks or antidotes to help you #livebeautiFULLY
Life is fluid, some days we're up, some days we're down or in my case some months.
I have not been having an easy time of late and maybe you are dealing with your own struggles. I was thinking long and hard about how to handle my pain and grief; physically and emotionally. I am not ready to talk about the imminent passing of a loved one, but I will say the feelings that are brought up are overwhelming and all consuming.
I am a proactive person. If something is broken I want to try to fix it. If a problem is creating too much suffering, I try to change the way I think about it, but grief and sadness are meant to be felt. You cannot wish it away, put on a happy face or change your thoughts around it. It truly is what it is.
OR is it? Is there something you can do? We have all heard about the importance of gratitude. No matter what is going on, it is so important to understand the need to take a moment to recognize what we have to be thankful for.
Make a list of all the things you are thankful for. I am talking big picture gratitude, not the daily things we might list,when we/if we, write a gratitude journal. Whatever that looks like to you.
When things get to be too much, BREATH and with each breath say this ~
I am fine,
I am safe,
I have everything I need in this moment
It may seem like a simple thing but sometimes it's all you've got. Next time you feel overwhelmed, anxiety ridden, or out of control, try it. Also. being in nature psychologically does wonders! We know that immersing yourself in nature, or even looking at beautiful pictures of nature ( if that is all you can do) reduces stress and heightens overall wellbeing. It makes us feel connected to something bigger than ourselves and for a moment you may just forget your own problems, if even for just that moment.
and laughter... look for opportunities to laugh... life's best medicine.
#alifecoachlesson
Health is Wealth
Do you read House Beautiful? Have you noticed they are deep into the wellness conversation, particularly how awareness around a holistic home is good for our overall wellbeing? It's a feature they call the whole home project. Every time I pick up the magazine now, I am so charged! I can't help tweeting to Sophie Donelson, the editor in chief. Their theory (and mine) is that investing in your home is an investment in yourself. Months of magazine articles with talking points about how health is wealth is culminating into a custom built concept house in the Buckhead neighborhood of Atlanta. The primary focus will be on the importance of a calm and healthy environment!
“The Whole Home Project Concept House will show readers how strategic design choices can deliver more than a pretty space—they can help you live a smarter, happier and healthier life,” says Donelson. “It’s our core belief at House Beautiful that happiness begins at home—and with this project, that the well-being of your whole self, from health to energy to your outlook, are informed by our homes.”
What began in this past March's issue with talking points around the idea of calm and each month thereafter focusing on a different "chapter" really gives the reader a comprehensive look at the idea and execution of a holistic home.
Chapter 1 Calm
Chapter 2 Health
Chapter 3 Unplugging
Chapter 4 Revive and Recharge
Innovations in technology along with the idea that we must create calm spaces for living our best lives from a place of more joy, better health, and less toxicity improves all our lives and helps us thrive!
It's true what they say ~ If you don't have your health...
I am so excited to see the house and all it entails!!
Cultivating a new Normal
When I was more active on social media ~ doing FB lives and posting frequently, I got a lot of comments and compliments. People pointed out that they appreciated my authenticity. I think it is easier to relate to someone when you see their struggles as well as their successes.
A few months ago I stated that I haven't been feeling well. You can catch it here . I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. That means for some unknown reason, my immune system is attacking my healthy joints thinking it is diseased. PsA (as I will refer to it) is causing me a great deal of joint pain and tremendous inflammation. I get extremely tired and honestly, a little (more than) blue. Everything feels like such an effort right now, until my meds kick in. However, I think the same medicine that is suppose to make me feel better is causing me to gain weight! Nothing reeks havoc on my psyche more than unexplained weight gain.
It is interesting that I became a life coach in an effort to heal something within myself and that need keeps showing up and showing up. Life is fluid, there are ebbs and flows to everything. I am a little lost, but that is just for now. Without struggle we don't have growth. I believe this is part of a grand plan ~ albeit one I don't understand or care for!
You have heard of the saying, "It's not the struggle that defines you but rather how you respond." I am trying to figure this out but it is taking all my energy, so please be patient with my lapses. I have been writing this blog for 8 years, I can hardly believe it! I am not ready to throw in the towel. in fact, I think my path may be angling towards an overall wellness arc. If I have to change the energy around me, in my home and in my heart, I am taking you on that journey with me if you care to walk beside me.
I certainly do not understand any of this, maybe I never will, maybe there is nothing to understand, there is only acceptance. I know my natural inclination is to fight everything. I fight and try to fix. Then, I at least feel like I have control, but I think there is nothing to be done but lean in, accept and find a holistic path to healing. You can't have yin without yang. There's a new balance to be found. Who would I be if I didn't practice what I preach?
There's medicine in the message.
There is a difference between struggling and suffering. I would be lying if I said I wasn't suffering, but it is possible to turn your thoughts around in an effort to ease suffering. That's all it is:thoughts. We subscribe meaning to them that may be entirely untrue. I'll talk more about that at a later date, but that is a large part of my coaching practice. I help clients turn thoughts of struggling into something much more productive. Having said that, there is a time and place to fall apart, just not for too long.
Getting out of your own head is always helpful. If you are dealing with something bigger than yourself try this ~
1. Practice gratitude, jot down 3 things you are grateful for. It could be anything!
2. Be of service to others
3. Keep stress at bay
4. Surround yourself with positivity
5. Be kind to yourself, give yourself what ever you need. Self love is critical right now!
I only want to thrive, to blossom, to have purpose and meaning in my life, to feel good and look good (yea, I said it)! So think of this as an experiment, a fork in the road ~ destination unknown.
Are you struggling but would prefer to blossom? Reach out!
Design a New Story
Fashion is an outward expression of who we are, what we want to tell the world about ourselves. Our home does the same thing. A little more privately perhaps, but for those that we do welcome into our homes, we want them to get a little snapshot into our soul.
I went to a wedding once (a LONG time ago) and I wore a black hat with a feather in it. I was in a mood. I remember a girl came up to me and said, "I wanted to meet the girl wearing the feathered hat." We became fast friends based on what I was projecting.
Who are we? How do we feel about ourselves? What do we value? There are stories in our stuff.
I was talking to a woman recently who was having trouble letting go of her (adult) children's things. The girls had long moved out, but their rooms remained as if they had just walked out the door for the day. "What is keeping you from making changes?" I asked. Knowing full well the answer, I waited for her to say it. It took some time, but eventually she got there.
"Who would I be if I wasn't these girls' mom?" She asked. "You'd still be you and you'll always be their mom," I said. Her identity was so wrapped up in her children and raising them, she didn't know what to do with her next chapter. She didn't even realize there was a next chapter. If she kept the rooms like shrines to that part of her life, she felt like she didn't have to face defining that next chapter. What a disservice she was doing to herself! Time for a change. "Out with the old you, in with the new you!" I shouted.
Here's an opportunity to rediscover what you love, how you want to live. Who you want to be is based on nobody else's needs but your own. HOLY SHIT! That can be scary! She is going to have to dig deep, rediscover a part of herself that she put on a shelf, clear these rooms out, then decorate them for her new life, the life she wants moving forward. She can keep a few important mementos to create a lovely guest room, as the girls will return, but moving on is what it's all about.
 |
| designer Lynn Lawson |
Are you holding onto anything that no longer serves you? When you look around your home ask yourself ~ does this express who I am now? Does this express who I want to be, where I am going in life, what I am striving for, what I want to project? If the answer is no, dig deep and decorate accordingly.
#lifecoachlesson
Carrie Bradshaw meets the Jetson's
I was catching up on Nate Burkus and Jeremiah Brent's renovation show on TLC, By Design while I was recovering from the flu. I love these two, their show, their design aesthetic and the way they interact with each other.
On this particular show they were helping a woman renovate her childhood home. Sherry lived there with her parents and mentally ill sister. It became her job to care for everyone, including the house, at the expense of her self care. The house fell into disrepair and Nate and Jeremiah came to her rescue.
I especially loved this episode. The guys often talk about how our homes heal us, and this was a perfect example. I speak of this often! Memories were made here, most really beautiful, but intertwined with pain and sadness.
Sherry described what she wanted her perfect home to feel and look like ~ retro, colorful, with a mid century vibe right out of a Shag painting. Nate and Jeremiah came up with the "Carrie Bradshaw meets Jetson's" moniker. Which they gave her in spades!
The reason why I bring this whole story up is because they did something extraordinary. The guys wove the happy memories Sherry had of her childhood, her parents and this home into the renovation, thereby helping Sherry move forward towards a bright future. Nate and Jeremiah took some of her mother's antique textiles that she had collected over the years to Astek wallpaper who reproduced the design of one of the textile's into wallpaper and reworked it for an updated version of her mother's vintage fabric. Nate and Jeremiah wrapped the bedroom walls in it. This is not just wallpaper now, it is so much more! Sherry feels wrapped in her mother's arms. How beautiful is that?
This was the before kitchen. Sherry has distinct memories of her mom standing in front of the sink doing dishes.
The after kitchen ~ Sherry said she would love to step into Barbie's dream house. The guys really stepped out of their confront zone to give her exactly what she asked for. It is modernized for today's standards yet still mod, in keeping with the look of the rest of the house. The lower kitchen cabinets were repainted and topped in laminate. The countertop edges were wrapped in metal, indicative of a vintage vibe. It's everything Sherry could have asked for,
Now that's healing design.
There is a lightness, a happiness to the home that had been missing from Sherry's life for a long time! Sherry can now step into her future feeling optimistic and enthusiastic!
An perfect example of Living Beauti~FULLY
portrait photo by Mikael Jansson
Design from Within
I am on a slight social media blitz introducing my new Face Book business page. It was slow to start but I am picking up speed. The universe gave me a sign and I am running with it.
After months of not being able to get into my FB business page, out of the clear blue, I received a business license in the mail. I have been in business 20 years and never had the official piece of paper. Apparently, this was all FB needed to verify the page and allow me access.
Wa -lah. If you have not "liked" my page PLEASE do so with the link above, if this is something that resonates with you.
When we marry the physical ~ hard work, design, taking action with the metaphysical ~ gratitude, visualization, awareness around limiting beliefs, we become unstoppable. We become the best versions of ourselves inside and out.
The universe has been giving me a lot of signs lately. I am inclined to follow the path which I feel I am being led. The word disruptive keeps coming up over and over. Maybe I am disrupting the belief that people have around interior design? I am deeply passionate about beautiful spaces but I don't think it's enough anymore. We must be mindful of the energy held within that beautifully designed space. I have no idea where this is all going. It is equal parts scary and exciting. When we are in unknown territory, I think taking slow baby steps is always the way to go. Walk with me?
Great Expectations
*A Coaching Lesson
You know how something happens and it stays with you, it bothers you. That loop starts playing in your monkey
mind, going around and around?
I was out to dinner a few weeks ago with girlfriends. I had had a long day and was looking forward to having a delicious drink. My drink of choice always involves Vodka, more often than not Tito's, with variations of other ingredients such as ~ a splash of cranberry juice and muddled mint (I have a slight obsession with mint), possibly a cucumber mint martini or some kind of vodka infusion, like a Stoli doli (vodka seeped in pineapples). On this occasion I ordered whatever the name of the drink was that had vodka, elderflower, tonic and fresh lime. I asked for it without the tonic. I don't like bubbles and it takes the drink in another direction. We waited a ridiculously long time for the drinks to come and when they did come, I asked the waitress, is there tonic in whatever the name of the drink was? She responded no. I said, "There are bubbles." She took it away but came back quickly about to put the drink down in front of me again and said,
"The bartender gave you a splash of soda, instead of tonic." I asked her to take it back and have the bartender make me the drink with NO BUBBLES. I must have said it with a slight attitude. When I asked for the drink with no tonic, I assumed he was including all the other ingredients and just omitting the tonic, not taking it upon himself to add an ingredient that was not even included in the drink. It did not occur to me to say "and nothing else" when ordering. You don't order an omelette for example off the menu that reads spinach, mushroom, and American cheese and say, "I'd like it with spinach, mushroom and no American cheese." Then the omelette comes and it has spinach, mushroom and mozzarella cheese. This made no sense to me! I told the lovely waitress with the drink in her hand to take it back. I didn't want it anymore. I felt so disappointed. Honestly, it was an easy fix and a silly misunderstanding, but my disappointment over rode my intellect in that moment.
My girlfriend turned to me and said I was rude to the waitress. I felt terrible! I didn't mean to be rude to the waitress. That was not my intention. I don't want to be that person that is rude to waitstaff: Ever! Hell, I was a waitress for years and it's a hard job. Why was I rude to the waitress? For two days it played out in my mind. What could I have done differently? Why did I handle the situation the way I did? I don't want to be the person who brings that kind of energy into a situation. Why, why, why? It was honestly ridiculous that I was obsessing about this for so long.
AHA! The reason was UNMET EXPECTATIONS. I was expecting a drink just the way I like it. That was my mistake. Of course when something little and seemingly insignificant like this scenario occurs, it is always indicative of a bigger issue. By Jones I think I've got it! I am more often than not disappointed when I have an expectation about something, anything, and it is not fulfilled the way I wish it should be. This is not a new conversation that I have with myself and is fairly common for most of us. I have to learn to let it go, not become focused on what is not working but on what I can control and how it can work for me. It was just a perfect little metaphor showing itself in an unexpected way.
People do not bend to our will. Places and things just are what they are. There is no conspiracy to "piss us off" or cosmically conspire against us. When expectations are not met, disappointment or frustration set in and we just have to do our best to turn our thoughts around, tell ourselves a different story. Things happen for us, not to us. I guess I needed a little reminder.
I need to work on replacing expectation with appreciation. Do you? This is not uncommon. I may make a similar mistake in the future, but I have an awareness now that I did not have before. I will hopefully recall this situation, behave differently, thereby not allowing this to happen again. There's the growth! When you know better you can do better!
CHEERS TO THAT
Do you have an issue you's like to be coached around?
Let's talk
carrie@carrieleskowitzinteriors.com
With Joy in Mind
I tagged this story because it said in the first paragraph that the owners of this home gave their designer instructions that they just wanted the home to feel full of joy.
From there, I lost the story. I apologize for not being able to tell you more but ~ the pictures are pretty, and ultimately shouldn't we all strive to have a home that is beautiful and full of joy?
To these traditionalists that meant a house full of color, pattern, and a dose of drama.
However, having a beautiful home is no longer enough. Having a beautiful home that holds peaceful, tranquil people within is what really matters. If we don't feel our best, live our best life, if we feel stuck, if we have negativity, are not mindful, that energy is held within our home.
It's not black and white ~ to have joy and happiness is to have rooms full of color, at least for those that occupy this home.
Life is too short for negativity, toxicity, not being your best, not doing your best. If there is something on your mind ~ let me help you explore it because our living space mirrors our inner space. Drop me a line carrie@carrieleskowitzinteriors.com
If you are familiar with this project, do let me know who to credit, so I can give credit where credit is due.
Peace out
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